Have an Amazing Orgasm: Make Solo Sex Count

Being selfish in bed is generally thought of as a bad thing. But in order to have a really great orgasm, you have to be relaxed and comfortable with your own body. And the only way to do that is to take the guy out of the equation and spend some time thinking solely of yourself. Yes-we're talking about masturbating.

"One of the major benefits of masturbation (besides pleasure, of course!) is that women learn more about what pleases them," says sexologist Emily Morse, host of the Sex With Emily podcast. "The more you know that, the more you can share with your partner, and the more you can take control of your own satisfaction and pleasure." (Don't forget to check out our other tips for boosting your O, starting with #1: Stop Faking It!)

Chances are, you're already doing it, so we're not about to give you a Judy Blume-esque 101. That said, there are little tweaks you can make to your regular routine that can take your one-on-one sessions to the next level, and even help improve the orgasms you have when you decide to bring a guy into the mix. Here's where to start.

Slow It Down

Sometimes, you're craving a fast, easy orgasm. And those can be amazing. But if your intent is a more intense climax, it pays to start slow. Lauren Streicher, M.D., author of Sex RX, recommends doing some of the same things you'd do before getting busy with a new guy: Turn on sexy music, slip on underwear you know you look hot in, read erotica or watch porn… Sure, it might feel forced at first, but the idea is to just do things that make you feel really, really turned on before starting to touch yourself. The less masturbation is just another item on your to-do list (make the beds, do laundry, touch yourself…), the better, Streicher says.

Way, Way Down

Okay, now you can grab that vibrator (or hand, pillow, or whatever else you prefer to use to get yourself off). But again, go slow, and mix things up a bit. "Vary the pressure and the way you touch your clitoris," suggests Morse. "If you always move in a circular motion, try going back and forth, or lightly tapping." You may find some new-to-you spots or moves to work into your usual repertoire. (Learn What Your Masturbation Style Says About You.) If you get close to climax, back off a little until the feeling goes away, then start again. This technique is called edging, and when you finally do let yourself go over the edge, your orgasm will be much, much stronger.

Give Him a Show

If you feel comfortable, consider masturbating in front of your partner. This is a win-win, says Streicher: Lots of men think it's hot to watch, and while you're taking care of yourself, he'll be able to see what you really like-and might even pick up some pointers he can use later, when you're having P-in-V sex. (Then try these six other Kinky Upgrades for Your Sex Life.)

6 Ways To Make Your Romp In The Sheets Go From Bleh To HOT DAMN!

Because life is way too short for so-so sex!

We have sex for many reasons, not all of them physical. But it's that mysterious build up and subsequent release of tension known as an orgasm that keeps us coming back for more and more sex with our partner.

Want to know how to have sex that's better, hotter and consistently more orgasmic? Pay more attention to foreplay and communication, and learn how to take the lead!

If you aren't already having mind-blowing sex and want to be, here are six tips to try tonight (or, any old time, really):

1. Don't skimp on foreplay.

The hottest, most explosive sex happens when both partners are fully turned on, present and focused on each other. Foreplay is the only way to get there—it heightens arousal and increases the desire and the likelihood you'll reach orgasm.

Incorporating extended play sessions into your sexual activities gives your body time to prepare for the main event. You may not realize it, but your vagina actually goes through physiological changes during arousal.

Your uterus pulls up slightly and the walls of your vagina expand in a process called "tenting," making penetration much more enjoyable.

2. ...And don't rush that foreplay either!

Taking time to get turned on turns up the sexual heat in many ways, but one of the most important and often overlooked facts about foreplay is that it gives you time to build anticipation. Anticipation, and the accompanying tension it causes, is like a red hot, super turn-on.

After all, if you know exactly what's going to happen and when, there's nothing to get excited about. It's the need, the build up and the feeling that you might not be able to wait that really make sex hot.

3. Be vocal.

Speak up about the attention you want. Your lover wants to please you, but actually may not know how. Some of us are more perceptive than others, and many men and women worry that asking questions will kill the mood.

Despite the well-known adage that there are no stupid questions, some questions are definitely less sexy than others. 

You can solve this problem by talking about your desires. If you want something specific, make it clear. If you simply need to slow things down, try taking control. Don't be afraid to pull back and stop the action or change its course.

4. Offer positive reinforcement.

Criticism is not sexy, so use positive reinforcement to get what you want during sex play. Statements like: "I love when you touch me there," "I love when you use your mouth," and "I love when we go slowly—it makes me want you even more," are excellent ways to get what you need while maintaining the erotic tension between you and your partner.

5. Take control of the 'Big O'! 

Many of us grow up with the belief that our partners will give us pleasure and orgasms, and because of this, we are often reluctant to take a more active role in creating pleasure for ourselves during intercourse. No matter how great a lover your partner is, he or she can't read your mind and can't steer every aspect of your pleasure.

Your partner should be attentive to your needs, of course, and you should expect him or her to possess sexual skills and empathy to know how to please you. But, he or she can't actually "give" you an orgasm without your participation. Sex is something you are doing together, and your orgasm is just as much your responsibility as it is your lover's.

Have sex in positions that allow you access to your most sensitive parts, and be vocal about what feels good and what isn't working. Change positions when you need to.

6. Spice things up with a vibrator.

There are many options on the market for small vibrators you can use during partner sex. Find one you like and use it—don't be shy. Explain to your partner that your vibrator will greatly enhance the experience of intercourse and will allow you to climax with much less effort.

Vibrators take the pressure off, which allows you to relax without fear that you won't have an orgasm. Using a vibrator during sex says that you are sexually liberated and serious about enjoying sex, and there is absolutely no downside to that.

What Is a Yoni Massage?

Yoni is the Sanskrit word for vagina and, loosely translated, means “sacred space.” Tantric philosophy approaches the vagina from a place of love and respect and yoni massage as a means of honoring women. While yoni massage is both sensual and pleasurable, the intent is not to bring the woman to orgasm but to awaken her awareness of her own sexuality and generate a bond of trust and intimacy with her partner.

Who Benefits from Yoni Massage?

According the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network, one in six women will experience sexual assault in their lifetime. This means that one in six women have been, or will be, in situations where control of their own sexual response is taken away from them. This could be rape, inappropriate touching or a sexual partner who takes things too far. Some women may move on from these experiences unscathed, while others may internalize their trauma and disconnect from their bodies and their sexuality.

Yoni massage helps these women learn to trust their partners and empowers them to regain control over their own sexuality. Beyond survivors of sexual trauma, anyone can benefit from yoni massage. All women, regardless of sexual history, benefit by getting in touch with their own arousal and learning to trust their partners with their most intimate of spaces. Men benefit by becoming familiar with their partners' bodies and sexual response. Men also benefit by learning to touch women in a giving and honoring way. Yoni massage is not gender specific, and partners of all sexual orientations can benefit from the bonding and trust building that yoni massage provides.

Why Orgasm is Not the Goal

Orgasm is a welcome benefit, but it is not the intent or focus of the yoni massage. The reason orgasm is not the intent is that the massage then becomes about the orgasm and about the person doing the massage and not the woman and her awakening. If the massage has a goal, then the person doing the massage will focus more on that goal and may do things to achieve that goal that make the woman uncomfortable. He may even ignore her body language, breathing and verbal cues in favor of what he thinks needs to happen to achieve that goal. There is also the issue of patience. If orgasm becomes the goal both partners, may rush the process in order to meet that goal. The whole point of the yoni massage is not to reach a destination but to experience the journey, however long it takes, together.

The Roles of the Participants

The woman needs to be able to trust the most intimate part of her body to her partner, so the key to yoni massage is that the woman is always in control. Her partner’s job is to listen to her verbal and non-verbal cues. Some women may be very vocal, while others may not. It’s up to the partner to ask questions, watch body language, breathing patterns and facial expressions, and encourage the woman to express herself. In turn, the woman needs to be open and honest with her feelings and communicate fully with her partner. Open communication serves two purposes: to teach the partner about the woman’s sexual response and to empower the woman to take control of her sexuality. In doing so, the woman will understand that, even in someone else’s hands, she still has control over her sexual response. That she can open herself up and trust her partner to respect her needs. Throughout the massage, both partners need to be mindful of their breathing—taking care to avoid holding the breath or shallow breathing.

Giving a Yoni Massage

Yoni massage in done in a comfortable and safe space. The room should be warm enough to be comfortable naked, and the area should be free from distractions and interruptions. Play soft relaxing music, if desired, but the music should not distract focus from each other. Both partners should focus on each other and make eye contact. The woman should recline in a comfortable position, propped up on pillows so that she can see both her vagina and her partner. Before beginning, both partners should start with simple breathing exercises to relax and focus the breath. The giver should start the massage by first massaging other areas of the woman’s body, giving her time to relax. Initiate all touch with gentle, loving intent.

After the Massage

A yoni massage could last a few minutes or a few hours. At the end, both partners may feel a range of emotional and physical sensations and need time to decompress from the experience. The giver should end the massage slowly and gently, allowing his partner to relax and enjoy the after effects of the massage. He can cover her with blankets for warmth, and cuddling is highly encouraged.

The “League Mentality” That Will Get Hotter Women Talking to You

You Don’t Need Money, a Car, or a Six-Pack to Get Hotter Women…

Most men have a specific “type” of woman they go after…

But some men can only seem to attract the type of woman they don’t want.

If you’re only getting average-looking women and aren’t sure why, you’re not alone.

Awhile ago, I sent out an email asking for your single most pressing question you had about women and dating.

I got a lot of responses, but one of the most common questions I got was:

“How do I get hotter women than I’m currently getting right now?”

If you’re tired of getting the same kind of women and want to get the hotter women you deserve, then there are specific steps you can take to say goodbye to average and hello to high-quality — including one extremely powerful mindset you can adopt called the “League Mentality” (but more on that in the video).

Together with my mentors, I’m going to show you the exact steps you can take to meet hotter women today, no matter where you are or what you currently look like.

This is real, actionable advice that you can use now to get immediate results.

In this video, we discuss how you can get hotter women right now, plus:

• The surprising truth about attractive women that stops almost ALL guys from approaching them…

• Craig’s powerful method guaranteed to help get you more attractive women today…

• The one thing you need to STOP saying if you really want to get hotter women…

• Glenn’s “League Mentality” that hot women are instinctively drawn to and can’t resist…

• Erik’s one simple trick to get hotter women today that you won’t believe you didn’t think of yourself…

• Magic’s step-by-step approach that will have you surrounded by hotter women in no time at all…

It Doesn’t End There…

If you really want to get hotter women, then you need to learn how to recognize the signs they like you.

After all, if you can’t tell when an average-looking woman is into you, how are you supposed to tell when a super hot woman wants to jump your bones?

That’s why I wrote this guide to the 7 Hidden Signs She Likes You (Even if She’s Not Talking to You at All Right Now).

Women — especially hot women — do some pretty strange things to show you that they’re interested…

If you don’t know these 7 key signs she’s interested, it’s almost like you’re going into war without a weapon.

Once I learned these signs, I started noticing hotter women noticing me every day! Honestly, it’s a major game changer and will put you in control of almost any situation with a woman.

She might be dying for you to take her home, but you’ll never know if you don’t know the signs…