If You're Not Cliterate (Or Don't Even Know What That Means), Do NOT Have Sex

How cliterate are YOU?
If you’re not "cliterate," you definitely shouldn’t be having sex. Are you getting anxious right now? Do you have no idea what cliterate means? Are you worried about the future of your sex life?
Don’t worry, it’s not your fault. Most people don’t learn how to be cliterate when they get their sex education. Take a deep breath, my friend, because you can still learn.
According to sex therapist and New York Times bestselling author, Ian Kerner, “Being cliterate is understanding female sexuality, privileging female sexuality, respecting female sexuality.”
Honestly, you should take it from him because this man knows a whole lot about pleasuring the ladies. In fact, he even wrote a book about it called She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman.

Unfortunately, when it comes to sex education, female anatomy and pleasure are largely neglected. While women are having sex all the time, it’s not exactly consistent with them having satisfaction or actual pleasure. In fact, orgasm isn’t even the tell-all event of pleasure. It is a lot more complicated than that and involves relaxation, presence, fantasy, and awareness.
Understanding the female anatomy is important for women to pleasure themselves and for the partners of women to bring them to the ultimate bliss.

“As many as three-quarters of women can’t orgasm from vaginal penetration alone. In fact, just eight percent of women can reliably orgasm this way, studies estimate. An 'ilcliterate' individual might write off such information as proof that women just aren’t as sexual as men or that their bodies aren’t hardwired for pleasure. But women who are in same-sex relationships have similar orgasm counts to men and achieve climax in the same amount of time as their hetero male counterparts. The same is true when women pleasure themselves. Women’s bodies are not the problem. The problem is that most of us don’t have a full understanding of how they work,” an article on Huffington Post states.
In an effort to shed a little more awareness about becoming cliterate, here are some facts that you might not know:In an effort to shed a little more awareness about becoming cliterate, here are some facts that you might not know:

I Wore A Vibrator Around Town — And Let My Husband Control It

Here's what happened when I ran errands ...
My husband and I are big fans of sex toys.
It's not that our sex life is lacking without them, but they just add an extra special something to the already great sex life we have.
Besides, let's be honest, once you throw a vibrator into the mix, your partner gets quite a bit of help in giving you intense orgasms, so a lot of the pressure is taken off of them — and that's a good thing, especially for women who have a hard time having orgasms during sex.
Recently, my husband and I got our hands on a remote control vibrator called the We-Vibe 4 Plus. If you haven't heard of it, this is definitely a breakthrough in the world of couples sex toys.
Not only does its shape make for an ideal snug fit (it's shaped like a U and sort of clips into place), but its wireless design means you can have lots of sexy fun even when you're not together or at home.
Perhaprs the best part of all is it can be synced to your phone. This means your partner can be anywhere in the world (think about what this means for long distance relationships!) and control the speed and intensity you experience as you wear or play with it.
I know!
I was just as confused, skeptical, and all OMG, too!
So, my husband and I decided to put it to the test.
"Was My Crotch Visibly Vibrating?"
First we messed around with the remote control. It was a Saturday morning, so why not start the day off right?

I was in the bedroom with the remote vibrator and he was in the kitchen with the control. Living in one of those overpriced shoebox apartments in NYC, the 10-foot range in which the remote control works was ideal for us.
It was really fun and exciting, but since the range, if we used the app, would allow for even more space between us, we just had to take our sex toy game up a notch.
It took us awhile to figure out how to sync our phones with the remote vibrator. It wasn't that it was difficult, but the necessary notifications to connect us kept ending up in our spam folders. But then we got it together! So, it was time for us to really get the party started.
Once it was quite clear that my husband could control the sex toy when I was on the first floor of my apartment building (we live on the 5th), I ventured outside to do, of all things, errands.
With my vibrator clipped in place and a tight pair of yoga pants for even more support, I went to get my dry-cleaning.
Just as I reached in my wallet to pay for it, my husband, from back in our apartment, turned on the vibrator. I immediately went into panic mode.
Could they hear the faint buzzing? Was my crotch visibly vibrating? Could they notice that I was blushing?
As a means to quell my own paranoia, I immediately brushed off the vibrating sound as my phone, which I'm sure they couldn't even hear, but you know, neuroses is a cross I have to bear, and I feverishly dug through my bag pretending to look for it. It was all very flamboyant and dramatic of me, and completely unnecessary, but then my husband turned off the vibrator, and I managed to gain some composure.
"I Felt Like I Had A Dirty Secret'

Next, I headed to Duane Reade to pick up a few things and, of course, halfway there, the sex toy was turned back on — then off, then on again, then off.
So there I am walking east on East 2nd Street trying to walk in such a way that would keep my remote vibrator from wiggling it's way out of my, well, vagina.
There was no one on the street during this part of our experiment, so I was able to enjoy it far more. I felt like I had a dirty secret; a wonderful dirty secret, and not only did I feel like I was sex on the move, but I felt sort of vulnerable in a good way. It was really hot for me to think of my husband at home, enjoying this game as much as I was, but in a different way.
As much as I enjoyed the wandering around doing my errands to keep things spicy and surprising, I knew the best place for me to really enjoy it would be if I went to a bar, sat down, and got a drink. I knew sitting, without the concern of the vibrator somehow wiggling it's way out of my yoga pants, would allow for much more relaxing enjoyment … and it did.
Oh, how it did.
It wasn't quite orgasm great, because I don't think I could relax enough to climax in a public place, but it definitely felt good, and with my husband at the controls, the surprise factor was one of the best parts.
After a little while, I decided to head back to the apartment — with the vibrator buzzing the whole way — because, as I'd find out, he'd thought he turned it off, but had not.
Obviously, we both need to work on this bit. He needs to learn how to use the app better and I need to learn to relax.

Why Tantra May Be The GREATEST Thing Ever To Happen To Your Orgasms

Most of us have heard about Tantra before, but have no idea what it is or how it relates to a better sex life.
Tantra is an ancient Hindu spiritual practice based on a 5,000 year-old school of yoga. It is  a philosophy with many aspects, not just explosive, orgasmic sex although that can be part of the practice. Tantra means, literally, 'the weaving and expansion of energy'.
We have Americanized Tantra to mean a practice of deep breathing and orgasmic flow that can create an intense erotic and emotional and hopefully a spiritual connection between two people.
Popular figures like the rock star Sting have popularized Tantra by bragging about his “12 hour orgasm” and many people think the purpose of the practice is to help men control their ejaculation or to give women expanded orgasms.
But in it’s finest sense,  Tantra can bring a more intense form of joy, and a body/mind connection. 
This happens through breathing, meditation, and presence. In tantra, sexuality, orgasm, and the spirit are all one. Female and male energy combine and create a union, (yoga roughly translated means “union”) and this is believed to be the way to find true enlightenment.
Mark Michaels and Patricia Johnson, inTantra for Erotic Empowerment, and The Essence of Tantric Sexuality say about tantra and orgasm:
“Orgasm begins in the brain, and it’s up to every one of us to define it for ourselves. Tantric sex often involves building and prolonging arousal, expanding the concept of orgasm to encompass the entire mind-body complex. This is achieved through visualization, breath, and sound. Specific zones of the body are particularly responsive. Stimulating these zones intentionally can help build arousal and create a whole body erotic experience.”

One way to come to know a tantra experience is through a simple but powerful breathing exercise.
Keeping relaxed, sit or lie comfortably and  face one another. Breathe deeply into the base of your spine and into your pelvic floor.  Make soft eye contact and breathe up through your center as you feel your energy through your body. See if you can both breathe in at the same time and exhale at the same time. No words need to be exchanged during this exercise.
Be present for your partner, and feel your breath and your energy as it rises and falls.
Enjoy the sense of intimacy you can experience without any words at all. If you want to try this during sex, keep and maintain this breath.  Breathe in and out and stay with your partner and in your breath, moving the breath and the energy down and through your body.
If you can obtain an orgasm during your breathing, bring the energy of the orgasm up and throughout your entire spine and maybe even into and through your partner’s body as well. There is an increase in interest in tantric experience now in our culture because we are more conscious of our sexuality and want to be more mindful in bed with our partners.
Tantra is not about getting to the finish line with sex, but appreciating what is happening in the moment, and being conscious of the pleasure and sensuality of the experience.
For a full day of training or more info on how to create a relationship where Tantra plays a central part, go to my site.

Ad exec speaks out against media 'sleaze'

An advertising executive has fired the first salvo in a war to bring back decency and get rid of sleaze from the South African media and the ad industry. Duan Coetzee, MD and founder of Admakers, says he has been concerned for some time about what he believes is the decline in moral values across the country.

And, at the risk of sounding like an arch-conservative, he's decided to do something about it. He's in the process of putting together a website where "like-minded people" can register their disgust or complain about media content or ads which offend them, or which they believe will further the slide into degeneracy.

"How is it," Coetzee asks, "that we can live in the country with the highest number of Aids patients in the world, and yet our media and ad industry seem to encourage a sexual binge?"

He goes on: "Pick up any of the glossy magazines and it hits you smack in the face: 'How to give the perfect blowjob', 'Why men like threesomes' and 'Girls take your toothbrush with you in case you get to spend the night'. What sort of message is that sending out?"

In a situation in which parents often abdicate their responsibility for educating their children about sex, "where else do children get the information other than from the media? They look at what's happening and think that's right, that's normal. That's why we have girls of nine, 10 or 11 becoming sexually active."

In addition to promoting sex at a younger age, the sort of content Coetzee would like censored "contributes directly to the fact that this country has one of the highest divorce rates in the world - I think it's one in two. That's certainly a symptom of a sick society."

Not only does this sort of media content encourage sexual activity among young people, with the attendant threat of HIV/Aids infection, but it also contributes to creating an atmosphere in which sex is seen by men as a right. And when they want to exercise that "right", you get rape, he says.

Strong words, but "someone needs to stand up and say these things".

"I am a big advocate of freedom, but freedom must have its boundaries. And, in this country, we don't seem to be concerned about the lack of boundaries."

Wonderful as this country's constitution is, he says, it also makes people believe they have the right to infringe the freedoms of others.

The media, as a key shaper of opinions and attitudes - and, therefore, morals - has a duty and responsibility to not promote such destructive ways, he believes. The ad industry is just as guilty and its guilt weighs heavy, because it plays an equally important role in shaping society, says Coetzee. He decries the "descent into sleaze" that seems to characterise many ads.

He cites the VW Golf GTI ad and the Clairol Herbal Essences shampoo ad (in which a woman has an "orgasm" in an aircraft toilet because the product is so wonderful) as just some examples.

He also lashes out at ad agencies who accept "blood money" from advertisers like tobacco companies. "This product, used as directed, will kill one out of every two people who use it - and those who market it, especially to young people, have blood on their hands."

His company, he says, will not do business with the sort of clients whose business he regards as morally reprehensible, or for casinos, which, says Coetzee, impoverish people.

"I might not be popular for saying these things, but I know a lot of people out there agree with me, they're just too afraid to speak out. But we must speak out, because if we don't we will destroy our society."

In The Cut

She sure has perfected that celluloid orgasm. From the verdone table-smacking "Yes! Yes!" in When Harry Met Sally to her quietly responsive writhings in In The Cut, Meg Ryan certainly has grown up.

And this sense of growth not only extends to her fleshy bits, but to her acting skills, which are skillfully restrained in this erotic thriller. In the film, she has ditched her thatch of choppy blonde hair and has pushed aside those John Lennon sunglasses in deference of a more real character.

Ryan plays New York writing professor Frannie Avery. With her dowdy blouses, mousy hair and blusher-less face, In The Cut is Ryan's Monster - a film in which she can show the world that there's more to her than a cute bunny nose and fish lips. In a recent interview, she said she was puzzled when people assumed she wasn't bright. "I'm always surprised when people are surprised I'm smart," she said.

However, when you figure that most of the films Ryan is remembered for are fluffy romantic comedies, you can't blame people for thinking that her talent lies in kooky smiles and not cerebral ponderings.

However, she puts paid to those assumptions in In The Cut. While it seems most of the world hated this adaptation of the book by Susanna Moore, I found it compelling, erotic and deliciously odd. Some reviewers have said that director Jane Campion, known for her feminist touch and aesthetic intuition, has lost her way with this film.

Others reckon that the whodunnit plot about a serial killer on the loose clashes with the film's artistic style. And still others argue that the unlikely coupling of Ryan's character and that of newcomer hunk Mark Ruffalo is so improbable it's laughable.

However, it was exactly these clashes which kept me swept up in the New York scenes unfolding on the screen. The result is a pervading sense of strangeness which settled beautifully in my post-movie brain.

The story goes like this: Frannie (Ryan) is a depressed, repressed professor who collects words in the form of scribbled-down poetry quotations, and she is compiling a collection of Brooklyn slang from her students. She is miserable, only comforted and cared for by her sister Pauline (Jennifer Jason Leigh).

When a woman is murdered outside her flat - her body decapitated - Frannie meets the investigating cop Detective Malloy (Ruffalo), a rough-talking Burt Reynolds type who seduces her with his oral charms.

Lots of sex ensues, with lingering shots of Ryan's rather floppy breasts and some highly charged eroticism. And true to Campion's style, the focus of the sexual encounters are on the woman's pleasure, and Ryan gets to take her Harry Met Sally performance into seeming reality.

During the film, we meet various people who sweep in and out of Frannie's life - and they could all be the killer. Frannie's creepy ex-boyfriend (played by Kevin Bacon) is losing the plot and having panic attacks.

One of Frannie's students has turned in a sympathetic dissertation on the life of serial killer John Wayne Gacy and Malloy's partner is a homophobic misogynist who likes fat women and oral sex.

Even Malloy provides signs that he could have been the killer, and through an artful script and jumpy film techniques, we get an insight into Frannie's neuroses, and are exposed to the possibility that no-one can be trusted.

Poetry and symbolism embroider their way through the film. Frannie looks for meaning in the poetry quotes written in the subway carriages. She confronts the killer at the end near a symbolic blood-red lighthouse (To The Lighthouse is one of her favourite books). And there is meaning in handcuffs, a petal storm over a slice of New York.

Some have found this laughable. I found it wonderful.

This gets an eight out of 10.

Build a stronger (pelvic) floor

London - They have long been a new mother’s best friend. But, new research suggests pelvic floor exercises can also benefit men battling premature ejaculation.

An Italian study found that performing the exercises for 12 weeks could help those “with a lifelong problem”.

Up to 40 percent of men suffer from premature ejaculation – defined by the International Society of Sexual Medicine as ejaculation “within a minute” – at some point in their lives.

In most men, the cause is simply being unable to control the ejaculatory response, says Wendy Hurn, a urology nurse consultant at Bristol Royal Infirmary.

“Some may have more sensitive nerve endings. However, stress or pressure can also make the problem worse.

“They cause the body to go into fight or flight mode, causing it to think ‘let’s get this over with’.”

Previously, they had been tested in temporary impotence, but this is the first time they have been tested over a longer term in men with lifelong problems.

A group of 40 men, aged 19 to 46, suffering from the condition were trained to exercise their pelvic floor muscles over 12 weeks. They also measured their time-to-orgasm over this period. At the start of the trial, the average ejaculation time was 31.7 seconds.

But by the end of the 12 weeks of exercises, this had increased to 146.2 seconds (two minutes and 26 seconds) – more than a four-fold increase. In total, 33 of the 40 men improved within 12 weeks.

Only five men showed no significant improvement. Two had dropped out of the trial early, after showing an improvement.

Thirteen of the 33 patients continued the trial up to the six-month mark, and they confirmed that they maintained their extended ejaculation time.

Lead study author Dr Antonio Pastore, of the Sapienza University of Rome, said: “This is a small study, so the effects need to be verified in a bigger trial. Nevertheless, the results are positive. The rehabilitation exercises are easy to perform, with no reported adverse effects.

“Previously, the men in the trial had tried a variety of treatments, including creams, behavioural therapy, SSRIs (antidepressants) and psychological treatments – with little success.

“However, we found that 33 of the 40 men in our trial improved their ejaculation time within 12 weeks. We also found that the fact that the men were able to improve their sex lives through their own efforts helped their self-confidence.

“This technique seems to offer significant benefits over many existing techniques, including cost-savings and lack of side effects.”

For more information, see www.bladderandbowelfoundation.org – Daily Mail

 

PELVIC FLOOR EXERCISES for MEN

l To identify the muscles, sit relaxed and tighten the muscle around the back passage, as if trying to control wind.

l You should be able to feel the muscle move.

l With the correct technique, you should feel a dip at the base of the penis, while the scrotum moves up slightly.

l To perform the exercises: sit, stand or lie with your knees slightly apart.

l Slowly tighten and pull up the pelvic floor muscles as hard as you can for as long as you can. Rest for four seconds then repeat.

l Build up until you can do 10 slow contractions at a time, holding them for 10 seconds each.

l Results are only likely to be seen after daily practice for three months.

For a night of raunchy aural sex

TRUE to its title, Dirty Words is replete with obscenities, both explicit and implicit, as seven sexy scenarios are explored by the versatile duo of Kim Kerfoot and Danieyella Rodin (pictured).

What makes their partnership so piquant is the unlikely pairing of Kerfoot, who has the apparent innocence of an adult choirboy, with the bold-mannered and saucy-eyed Rodin. They feed off each other’s performance – the way a successful brace of performers should – to bring out the richness of Jon Keevy’s script.

“Richness?” some might ask. “What’s rich about filthy speech?” The fact is that behind the blatant naughtiness there is a sharp, intellectually satisfying wit that is not lost on those who scratch below the surface of the dialogue – once inhibitions have been firmly repressed.

Inevitably, given their variety, some of the sketches are better than others, and the evening starts on a strong note with Rodin, garbed as a cleaner, engaging in a spot of illicit chat sex. This she does extremely well.

Kerfoot takes over as a bookworm indulging in written as opposed to spoken soft porn, reading aloud in cultured accents as he shares some fanciful metaphors for orgasm with his audience.

Among the best inclusions is the enactment of a pick-up in a bar, with hilarious – and original – use of rhyming couplets in archaic English. Here Kerfoot is completely at ease with the quaintly engineered dialogue.

Contrary to expectation, there is nothing salacious in the show’s costuming. Both performers remain decently clad throughout, which focuses attention on the script without the distraction of any visual titillation; the amount of bare flesh on view here is less than might be seen on the average beach.

That said, Dirty Words is not the sort of entertainment to be recommended for the squeamish, the humourless, or the Puritanical. This show celebrates the libido with extrovert gusto which is refreshing and infectious. Audience reaction begins with a nervous giggle or two at the opening salvo from Rodin, and ends with full-throated guffaws as the last sketch reaches its climax (pun intended) and the performers take their final bow. Good, unclean fun is had by all who enter it in the right spirit.