Do You Believe In Your Vibrator?

Ladies who believe their vibrators help them achieve sexual satisfaction have more orgasms.
The power of positive thinking has been proven across several of life's spectra, and now, we'd like to add one more to the list: sexual satisfaction. More specifically: vibrators, baby.
Yes, believing in the power of your vibrator — and thus, its ability to make you orgasm — leads to higher sexual satisfaction, according to a recent study from Indiana University's Center for Sexual Health Promotion. Researchers sought to find out not only how Americans feel about the sexually pleasing toys, but also how beliefs about vibrators correspond to mind-blowing sex. Buying My First Sex Toy? Not So Scary
What they found was intriguing indeed. About 75% of women and 80% of men responded to the survey saying they feel vibrators make it easier for a woman to achieve an orgasm and are "a healthy part of many women's sex lives." Less than 10% believe vibrators make women dependent on them for pleasure or are "intimidating to women's partners."

Now, here's where it gets really juicy — researchers also found that positive beliefs about vibrators were associated with higher levels of sexual satisfaction. Women who had used a vibrator in the past 30 days (and had confidence in its powers!) reported higher levels of arousal and more lubrication. Best of all, they had more orgasms, and felt less pain during intercourse.
Meanwhile, ladies who used vibrators but had negative beliefs about them had no boost in their overall sexual satisfaction.

Before you go out and buy your own FixSation (which happens to be our favorite couples vibrator, great for simultaneous orgasms!) there are a few other findings to note. Researchers believe that women who feel more positively about their bodies and sex are more likely to use vibrators and less likely to have sexual issues, which may have led to these results.
Similarly, women with higher sex drives may be more sexually satisfied in general and more likely to use a vibrator. So, if you have low sexual satisfaction, it's not quite as easy as saying "go buy a vibrator."
Not that there's anything wrong with trying!
Do you use a vibrator? Do you think it leads to higher sexual satisfaction for you overall?

Only 1 In 10 Women Orgasm During One Night Stands — Think You Can Guess Why?

Unacceptable!
Ever had a one night stand that left you with that not-so-fulfilled feeling?
Girl, you are NOT the only one.
The fact of the matter is, most women have experienced far more than one sexual rendezvous without quite reaching the finish line.
via GIPHY
And as it turns out, it's not their own fault in the least.
As science would have it, the reason so many women end their evenings without a bang lies squarely on the shoulders of their male partners.
Before you send your squad out to kick his ass, let's look at the facts.
According to an article in Playboy, researchers who surveyed 2,000 men and women found that "only one in 10 females achieve an orgasm during a one-night stand."

But wait, there's more!
The same study also found that while women were left empty-handed, so to speak, "64 percent of men climax in the same circumstance."
64 percent?!
That's some bullshit right there, plain and simple.
Why is it that men are consistently climaxing, while women get left hanging without one single orgasm (well, except for that one lucky b*tch, but whatevs ...)?!
After all, casual sex is supposed to be uncomplicated and fun.
That's kind of the whole point. But when women aren't reaping the benefits the way these guys are, what's the motivation for them to ever want to try it again? Think about that for a moment, gentlemen.
Unfortunately, this isn't the first study to prove that way too many heterosexual men simply suck when it comes to bringing a woman to orgasm.
Enough is enough guys.
If you want to have a one-night stand, you'd better plan to deliver, because we are over it!

And there is some hope out there!
The research goes on to say that the better someone knows their partner, the more likely they are to climax. Well, unless the partners are married, unfortunately, in which case the rate of orgasm for men drops to a mere 50%. Ouch!
Women, if you want to take action and make things better, speak up!
Talk to your partner, whether he's a stranger or your boyfriend. If you didn't have an orgasm yet, not only should you be sure NOT to fake it, but you should tell them how they can get you there!
You need to be comfortable having that conversation, even if the timing feels a little awkward. Besides, if you aren't comfortable talking about the sex, maybe you shouldn't be having it with him.
Unless the guy is a complete asshole, he should not only understand, but he should want to know
 how he can make that happen! You can ask him to go down on you or finger you until you orgasm — whatever usually works best for you.
It's also important to note that the same study included one detail neither of you should ignore.
If you're planning to have sex — casually or with someone you're in a relationship with — you should definitely avoid getting wasted on alcohol.
I know, I know. That sounds too horrible to bear, but hear me out!
The study found that men prefer to have one-night-stands when they are drunk, but alcohol consumption lowers a woman's chances of having an orgasm. 

Research published in The Journal of Sex showed that "increasing levels of acute alcohol intoxication are related to systematic changes in female orgasmic experience reflected by physiological, behavioral, and cognitive indices," which, in plain English and as stated by The Metro, means that, "Whiskey vagina or ‘whiskey vagdryna’, much like cotton vagina, is a thing and FYI it’s why you’re not getting wet down there."
Obviously, many one-night stands only ever take place with a little help from some alcohol, but priorities, people ...
You could always drink just enough to get a light buzz going. Experiment and see what works best for you.
But if neither of you makes any changes, you're looking forward to many nights with one very unhappy vagina ahead.

What It Feels Like When A Man Gives The BEST Oral Sex In The World

His tongue does circles around my clitoris, like he's forever known where it is.
Oral sex is not an easy topic for women to discuss. For some reason, we've all been shamed to feel like we need to give blowjobs to guys, but that they don't have to go down on us.
I remember in high school thinking how gross it would be for someone to put their face in my crotch. Rumors of fishy smells and hairy pubes can traumatize someone before anything even happens.
The first time someone went down on me, it was awkward. I was freshly waxed, just like society told me I should be. It was slobbery and messy, and all I could think about was the consequence to him finding even a single hair down there.

It was stressful, it was unpleasant, and I most certainly did not orgasm.
The unpleasantness didn't stop there. I went through a phase in my relationships where I just did not enjoy oral sex. It was better to skip it altogether. Avoid the body shame, the pressure to orgasm, and then the dreadful supposed requirement to reciprocate.
Don't worry, though, there's a light at the end of this tunnel. Many scream-inducing, leg-shaking, head-throwing lights.

Fast forward a few years to the best oral sex I've ever received. Picture this: I'm a bit older, less ashamed of my body. I have a full bush and a much more "I don't care what you think" attitude, which is a good way to start a one-night stand. Yes, my best oral sex was given to me by a one-night stand. Three years later, he's still my boyfriend, so you know it was good.
We're in his house with no one else at home. I've had about one bottle of wine and three pints of beer, and he's had more, so thank god no one else is home. He offers me a glass of wine, and I bravely decline it by saying, "I'm not really here for the wine." He takes the hint and swoops in for a kiss that ends up lingering down the hallway, dropping clothes and crashing onto his bed.
Before I can even react, he's between my legs ... with his mouth. His warm air exhaling over my labia, sending shivers down my legs. His tongue doing circles around my clitoris, like he's forever known where it is.I suddenly don't care about my untamed pubic hair or my sweat from dancing earlier that evening. He's inhaling at every possible moment and letting out little moans that vibrate into my labia, making me even wetter. His hands are grabbing my stomach, my butt, my pubic hair... inside my vagina
.
If we had a list of oral sex tips for men, he would have crossed each one off that list. Breathing through his mouth, consistent pressure and small circles on my clitoris, using his hands to penetrate me and find my G-spot. But there always seems to be one crucial thing excluded from those lists: passion.
He loved every moment of eating me out. He dove right in, he was eagerly playing around and he was determined to make me orgasm. His passion made my typically-ashamed brain shut up for once.
I was no longer tempted to interrupt the moment, knowing I wasn't going to orgasm. I wasn't tempted to feel obligated to return the favor. I just lay there moaning and enjoying the sensations that were tingling all over my body. I was enjoying the pleasure I was getting from someone without letting societal norms control my brain.
So what does it feel like when a man gives you the best oral sex in the world? It feels comfortable. It feels pleasurable. It feels obligation-free. It feels covered in heavy breaths and wandering fingers. It feels normal. It feels like this should have been OK all along.It feels like I've been missing out — like we've all been missing out.

HOW You Orgasm Can Actually RUIN Your Sex Life (Yes, Seriously!)

This is info you NEED to know.
I know, seems strange right? How in the world could having an orgasm ruin your sex life? After all, having an orgasm is the hallmark of truly great sexual experience, right? Well, I’ve learned a lot over the years leading sex toy parties where I educate women about self-care, sex, and the perks of sex toy play. I know a ton about what makes women tick in the bedroom. And most women thinkof orgasm

 as just one "big bang."  They don't view orgasm as an experience or a journey. It's either an elusive, unachievable secret OR it's a 'get off as hard and fast as you can' goal to reach. 

Climax has become queen in the bedroom and it's what most women think of as the ideal orgasmic experience they want to achieve.
One crazy night, with a turned on room of women, the orgasmic climax curse appeared. The conversation turned quickly to achievement and the goal of getting off fast. One of the things I noticed the most, women were all about expressing about getting off and I mean really getting off fast. It became a hot bed of who was the best. 
This particular night was wilder than normal, and trust me, I attempted to tame the wild horses, but I couldn’t get a word in edge wise. The wild ride had the entire process of orgasmic pleasure and the journey to orgasm eliminated from the conversation and replaced by achievement. I saw the room begin to spin with chaotic energy and the women lost focus and became over excited about climax.

So, when I say your orgasm could be ruining your sex life, what I mean is your competitive drive to climax, get off and then fall asleep is likely dampening the full experience of well-rounded sex. That perspective may even be ruining your sex life.
Why? Because every peak always has a valley, and at some point the valley may feel very low and treacherous. By focusing on just the climax of orgasm and pinning all of your hopes and satisfaction on the ride to the top, you're setting yourself up for a crash sooner than you think.
Instead, think of orgasm like a metaphor to a workout, like a form of fitness. There is a warm up, workout and a cool down. And when the workout is really on target, there's a lot to experience before you reach peek exhaustion.
There are stages to your orgasm that you're missing out on.
There are stages and parts to the orgasmic experience that require women to be still, quiet, and present. It's not at all about going over the top. Although, I will not take that experience away from you, I just ask that you re-frame your approach and think about shifting from a focus on climax to experiencing orgasm in stages and phases.
Life changes. Bodies shift. And, relationships face challenges. When you only have one tool in your sexual arsenal — the power of getting off and lighting up like fireworks on the 4th of July — you may very well face a huge reality check later when things get challenging. 
When we're young and healthy and the juices are flowing, it's easy to maintain a climax-based sex life. When you're in a new relationship, sex is a very hot, fast ride to the top. But, as soon as stress, relationship challenges, family, marriage, money and hormonal shifts filter in, you may find yourself without pleasure.
Here are the four stages of orgasm, although, I personally believe there are five:
Stage 1: The Warm Up
Warming up to sex is all part of the fun! This is your chance to get in tune with your body. Most of the time, women are somewhere else, in our heads, doing dishes, worrying about the kids or feeling self-critical. As a result, sex doesn't really get our full attention and the speed of the orgasm (too fast, or too slow) can ruin the experience. 
Don’t let your mind (and the need for a fast fix) ruin your pleasure. The warm up is a crucial part of orgasm because it's based on touch, scent and sight. It warms up the engine for sexual pleasure and gets your body ready and prepared to open up. When you rush this part of the journey, you're asking your body to leap-frog essential needed to experience amazing waves of orgasmic energy. The body must first receive the sensations and then prepare for more feeling. 

Stage 2: The Turn-On
In your turn on stage, you feel ready to rock and roll. Your body starts to feel more alive, your breathing deepens, your back may begin to arch and your heart opens. Essentially, the waves of orgasmic energy, generated by sensation, begin to lift through your body from your pelvis, and you may experience the desire to sigh or make sounds.
But, if you're overly fixated on getting to the top of the mountain, you may miss some of the amazing feelings generated in the turn-on stage. Skipping over this stage and missing the experience is like doing shots at the bar and passing out an hour later. You miss the entire experience of the night's fun and pleasure. 
Stage 3: Plateau
I know it sounds boring and dull, but this stage is a resting phase where your body begins to integrate the orgasmic energy and open up for the grand finale. After all of the sensation and pleasure you've experienced, plateau is the time and place for your partner to fill in the gaps.
Take the chance to rest and let go as your body unwinds tension. In this phase, your partner can receive the pleasure of your full juicy turn on. And you can begin to sync up your energy and get ready for take off to the high peaks of climax.
Stage 4: Climax
OK, so now you’ve waited and created the space for a healthy and natural climax to happen. In this case, you'll be really surprised at what you may find. The experience is like no other and many times can not at all be duplicated.
Let’s put it this way, this is not your average climax. Space opens all around you and your body shifts into a melting pot of amazing undulating waves of energy, and you may ejaculate. Anything is possible at this stage. You may even find yourself entering some amazing altered states of consciousness (Don't worry, it's safe).
Stage 5: The Aftermath
After all of this delicious and amazing sex, you've finally overcome "the climax curse." The aftermath stage is full of amazing energy. In this phase, creativity becomes a powerful asset. Women sometimes fall into a deep sleep, clean the entire house, ask for more loving, or merely lie in a state of altered bliss.
The aftermath is the space in which we receive the energy waves that sex offers without stimulation or touch. It's like a resting posture where the body can relax and fully let go. So, enjoy.
Remember: You're in charge of the experiences you have in your sex life. Your orgasm becomes a glorious experience when you embrace its full spectrum of pleasure, instead of treating it like a quick fix moment.

5 Things I Totally Did Wrong In Bed in My 20s (Listen Up!)

I certainly wish someone had given me this advice when I was younger.
Well, by 30, I thought I knew all about sex. I knew that raking my nails down someone's back was only acceptable in the movies. (Lost that guy).
I learned that I had to be focused and open and receptive in order to have an orgasm, and I learned that a man will follow you almost anywhere if you are talented at oral sex. I tried my best, and humbly, I think I had some real talent.
But it took me a long time to understand some other things that I could have used during those early years when I had the hot bod but not necessarily the self-awareness to use it more wisely.

1. I wasn't picky.
First of all, I wish I had skipped a few guys who I should have known right away would be mostly making love to themselves—or for themselves.
I am better now at knowing which men really love and appreciate women, and which men can't get out of their own aura.
How do I know? Men who love women get to know you over the dinner table, and they apply what they have learned about you there in the bedroom.
Rule of thumb: If a man doesn't get to know you above the collarbone, it is unlikely he is going to do any real exploring below.
2. I rushed.
I wished I had learned to take it slower. I was mostly about immediate passion, rather than a slow, explorative build-up.
A psychologist friend of mine once said, "Most women fake orgasm because most men fake foreplay." I wish I had made more opportunities to be whipped up into a fine froth instead of demanding so much passion right at the start.
Quickies and immediate penetration can be sexy as hell, but it usually means that you stay in the foothills instead of reaching the higher peaks.
3. I didn't share my dirty little secrets.
I wish I had used fantasy when I was younger. Sharing fantasies, sometimes out of bed, sometimes in it, can be the most intimate of all sexual acts.
There is something about opening up and sharing your most intricate and unexpected thoughts with one another that creates a unique bond between lovers.
I would have been far too embarrassed to admit to some of my fantasies when I was young. Now I realize how what you're most afraid will drive you apart can actually bring two people together.
4. I took it too seriously.
I would definitely have liked to have been freer about using toys together. Oh sure, I did try a few—but it took me years to be as playful as I am now.
I think laughing in bed is half of the joy of being intimate, and a sense of humor, as well as a sense of adventure, allows you to try some of the more daring sexual devices.
Whether or not you ever use them again is unimportant. On the other hand, try them once, and you may well rank them among your most precious possessions!
I think experimentation nurtures play and passion in long-term relationships, and what could possibly be wrong with that? Looking back, I wouldn't shy away from trying vibrating panties, edible body paint, vibrating penis rings . . .
5. I didn't appreciate my body.
I wish I had appreciated all that my body could do and not wasted time on my ridiculous list of imperfections.
When you get to your prime years you realize that a healthy body is a great body—and I have been blessed with one that still has all its parts, still loves and appreciates sex, and still has the capacity to make me and my partner feel blissful in each other's arms.
So much time wasted over fretting about weight, breast size or butt shape! The guy who wants you, wants you.
I've learned to believe that the most important thing is to let someone adore you and enjoy whatever moment you have together without inhibition. I wish I had given myself that same permission and satisfaction a long time ago.
Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D, is the author of Prime: Adventures and Advice on Sex, Love, and the Sensual Years.

An Anal Sex Expert Answers 19 Questions You've Been Dying To Ask

Get the goods on joining the 'Backdoor Betty' club.
Dr. Hilda Hutcherson, author of Pleasure: A Women's Guide to Getting the Sex You Want, Need, and Deserve, loves sex toys, believes the world is much too porno-phobic, and thinks more women should give anal sex a try.
In other words, she's the gynecologist every guy wants his girlfriend to meet.
Among the many sexually taboo topics, anal sex is probably one of the most well known.
All guys seem to want it, while all girls seem to hate it.
But Dr. Hutcherson believes that more women might actually find out that they like it if they give it a try. Women who don't enjoy anal sex, she says, are probably doing it wrong.

There’s a lot about anal sex most people either don’t know or don’t understand. It’s one of those sex acts that’s best to have a little bit of knowledge about before trying to attempt it, especially if one or both of you have never tried it before.
What kind of questions should you be asking, and what should you make yourself aware of before trying it?
These worries plague plenty of first-timers, so don’t be concerned if you feel a little overwhelmed at the thought of it. While it’s true that anal sex, like any other kind of sex, isn’t for everyone, it would be a shame to simply mess up your first time and then hate it, never realizing what you’re missing out on.
Intrigued, I scheduled a consultation with Dr. Hutcherson. I wanted to make sure that I would get all the goods and secrets about joining the “Backdoor Betty” club.
If you’re curious, like I was, it’s time to put those concerns to rest and get some information that will help make your anal sex experience as fun and positive as it possible.

Here are important answers to 19 of the most "pressing" questions you might have about how to have anal sex, straight from a doctor.
1. I'm pretty sure the butt wasn't made to be penetrated. Is anal sex bad for you?
"You're not going to hurt yourself if you follow the rules."
2. There are official anal sex rules?
"You've got to want it. You've got to use lots of lubrication. And you've got to take it slowly."
3. How much, exactly, is a lot of lube?
"You need a lot. You've got to rub it all over the penis. Then, using your fingers, put the lubricant around the anal opening and up inside."
4. One of my friends said Astroglide isn't good for anal.
"Glycerin-based lubes don't last long enough. A silicone-based lubricant is going to be a lot better for anal sex. If you use one of the others, you have to stop, put more on, re-enter ... it's just a mess."
5. Anal sex is probably a messy endeavor anyway, right?
"No, no! I wouldn't say so, but everybody thinks you're going to have feces all over the place."
6. Really? Because I've heard stories ...
"Well, if she were constipated, yes. Otherwise, no, not if she has normal bowel functions. The anus does not usually have feces until it's ready to evacuate."
7. Can all women orgasm from anal sex?
"Every woman has the ability to orgasm, physiologically, because the space between her vagina and rectum is so thin that, in the doggie position, the penis is going to press up against her G-spot. Some women find it's the easiest way to stimulate their G-spot."
8. So is that the position you'd recommend for women during anal?
"For those just starting out, I think getting on all fours might be a little too intense because she doesn't have as much control. Lying on your side in the spooning position won't allow penetration that's as deep. It's also a more relaxing position. When you become more comfortable, the doggie is the easiest way for a woman to orgasm."
9. Is it possible to hurt her if the penis is thrust too far in?
"The penis is only so long! Contrary to what men believe, the average penis is five inches or less when erect. But if you're talking about an extra-long toy, then, yes, it's possible."
10. I think I just heard the male ego shatter. I found it interesting to learn that you can lose things in the butt. Does it happen often?
"Not often, but it does happen. If people don't use something with a wide base, it can slip in."
11. In your book, you use the phrase, "being sucked in." It's not like a black hole, right? That sounds scary!
"No! No! I mean, if something gets sucked in, you have to go to an emergency room most of the time to have it removed."
12. Have you heard any anal sex horror stories?
"Oh, all kinds of things: Light bulbs, various food items ..."
13. A light bulb?
"Yeah. We couldn't figure out how it got in there, but all kinds of things ... I guess whatever's handy at the time."
14. Maybe they were trying to act out a "how many light bulbs" joke. You said it's important for a girl to relax her sphincter muscles. How?
"I use Kegels."
15. How does that work?
"She should squeeze the muscles when she breathes in and relax them when she breathes out. He should slowly push the penis in as she relaxes. You're working together."
16. So what you're saying is anal sex takes teamwork.
"He shouldn't just push his way in. Men have to realize that if they make it painful, they're never getting in there again."

17. How does a guy get a girl to let him in the backdoor when "open sesame" doesn't work?
"Well, the thing I can say to her as a doctor is, it's not unsafe. She's not going to be wearing a diaper, she's not going to have fecal incontinence, she's not going to be soiling herself or passing gas all day. From her boyfriend, she wants to know that he's not going to just get in there and go crazy. Men do sometimes — they lose their minds."
18. I'm guessing you're not talking certifiable.
"Guys have these fantasies, and once they're in the midst of fulfilling them, they can lose control. A woman wants to know that he's going to work with her, and that if she has pain, he's going to stop."

19. You recommend easing your way in over a period of six days. Is there a Cliff Notes version?
"You don't start out with the penis. Work your way up, stimulating the outside with a finger or tongue and then slowly use your finger to enter the anus. And then once she get used to that, you can go on to bigger and better things."

6 Very Important Facts About Sex That Everyone Should Know SOONER Than Later

It takes less than a second to decide if someone wants to sleep with you.
You may think you already know everything there is to know about sex, but do you really? These six surprising sex facts may change your perspective.
1. Men really want women to orgasm.
While pop culture may treat this idea as a myth, biologically speaking, men are wired to pay special attention to their partners during intercourse. If a woman is not "responsive" or "engaged" during sex, this can arouse suspicion and distrust, neuroscientists Ogi Ogas and Sai Gadam write in their book, A Billion Wicked Thoughts. Men can start to wonder, If I'm not turning her on, who is?
Even in short-term relationships, they suggest, men are motivated to satisfy their partners — though in this scenario, it may have less to do with ensuring her fidelity and more to do with protecting his reputation: "For most of human history, if Ann rejected Andy for being a bad lover, it's a good bet that everybody in the community would find out about it. That would lower Andy's mate value among other women. So Andy better make sure that Ann is feeling good!"
2. Ovulation affects sexual attraction (for both men and women).
It turns out that the 12-to-48-hour window when a woman is ovulating (and can subsequently get pregnant) has a "love potion" effect on both sexes. According to one study, fertile women exhibit a stronger attraction to typical alpha males (more "manly" men) than when they're not ovulating.
Men, on the other hand, appear to find ovulation something of an aphrodisiac. In another study, men rated armpit odors of women at various stages in their menstrual cycle, and the most attractive smells, according to the participants, came from women who were ovulating. A similar study found men even to consider the faces of ovulating women more attractive.
3. Young men feel pressured to have sex quickly (even if they don't want to). In The Sex Myth, author Rachel Hills cites several studies which suggest that guys aren't necessarily the sex-crazed maniacs that the media depicts them as. One recent survey
 found that 21 percent of 15-to-21-year-old men have felt pressured by a female to go further sexually than was comfortable for them, and 56 percent of them said they felt relieved when a female partner wanted to wait to have sex.

4. It takes less than a second to figure out if there's a spark.
Actually, half of a second is all it takes for your brain to decide if a potential partner is hot or not, according to a 2008 study. In an interview, the study's author, Stephanie Ortigue, said, "We've found the brain knows who we desire and when we desire before we are aware of it." An even more fascinating sex fact? The researchers found it takes even less time for our subconscious to identify a person we find unattractive.
5. Men are bigger and better liars.
Despite the common perception that women often deceive men through makeup, padded bras, and hair extensions, when it comes to verbal lies, men have the upper hand, thanks to biology. In The Male Brain, Louann Brizendine points out that men show "much less electrical strain" in their voices when fibbing, which makes their lies sound more convincing.
Some men may already be aware of a gift for telling alternative facts. In the book Are All Guys Assholes? author Amber Madison reported that 44 percent of the thousand straight men she interviewed said they would happily "fake an interest" in a girl's life in order to sleep with her.
6. Happy couples believe great sex takes work.

The myth that the honeymoon phase lasts forever for the happiest couples is a lie. The truth is, after two to three years, sexual satisfaction begins to wane for most couples. The key to maintaining a great sex life, according to new research from the University of Toronto, is recognizing that it requires work and effort to keep the flame alive.
In other words, the assumption that great sex is automatically supposed to happen is often what prevents great sex from actually happening.