Why He’s Not Orgasming During Sex

Are you having a hard time getting your man to “pop” during sex? This is actually pretty common. Most women have had partners who, for one reason or another, just don’t reach climax every time they get laid. There are both psychological and physical reasons for why guys sometimes don’t orgasm. Here are some of the most common reasons why some guys can’t cross the finish line during sex.

He’s drunk or drugged out. This is a sad side effect of partying that most people don’t talk about. Alcohol and other drugs (including MDMA) can cause a guy to be unable to orgasm. If he’s drinking and then shocked that he’s no longer able to climax, you might want to sit him down and explain that the bottle caused this issue - not you.

The poor guy is afraid of getting you pregnant. This one is particularly true with younger guys who are terrified of the extra line on a pregnancy test. When you don’t trust yourself orgasming with a girl, you’re not going to orgasm. It’s that simple.

He may be desensitized to sex. Studies have shown that things like adult film addiction and compulsive masturbation can make it difficult for a man to orgasm or even ejaculate. If he’s really wearing himself out with videos of Jenna Jameson, then it’s very possible that he’s shooting himself in the foot.

He’s just not a very sexual guy. Some people just aren’t into sex. It’s not that they don’t enjoy it, it’s just that they never quite really get into it enough to have a serious orgasm. They may just not be into having sex, but still go in for it because of the intimacy factor.

Sex is missing something. Some guys need a certain something in order to actually climax. It could be a certain fetish he’s into, or it could be legitimate intimacy. If he’s not getting that “X factor,” he might really struggle with climaxing. If you think this is the case, ask him what’s up. You might be surprised to find out what’s going on.

He’s stressed out about something else. Have you ever tried to have sex while you’re thinking about tax preparation or the spat you got into at work? It doesn’t really work out, does it? Well, if he’s worried about something non-sex related, it can distract him into not climaxing at all.

He’s got major performance anxiety. Truthfully, most men are terrified of displeasing their girls in bed and some even overthink it to the point of losing an erection. If he’s that nervous, his entire mind-body flow is probably going to get out of whack…and that can lead to a lack of a climax for you AND him.

Something about his past relationships are bugging him. Some guys have been very hurt by women in their past, and that can mean that it takes them a long time to actually get to the point that they can let go of themselves in bed. Until he gets over the past baggage, it’s going to be hard for him to orgasm - or even ejaculate.

He also could have a UTI. Surprise! This is actually one of the symptoms men have when they have a UTI or a prostrate infection. Of course, with this issue, it’s not the only symptom they’ll be experiencing. Feel free to pass him the cranberry juice.

It could also be a longterm medical issue. There is a legitimate issue called delayed ejaculation, and it happens with guys who can get an erection but can’t fully orgasm without a lot of work. Oddly enough, a lot of men who have this issue can orgasm solo - and often it’s faster than with a girl.

He’s really into you, and is spazzing. If a guy gets really into a girl, one of two things can happen. Either he’ll orgasm really quickly, or he’ll be unable to climax because he’s scared of his own feelings. With guys who are worried about intimacy or falling too hard, his own headspace could be what’s preventing him from orgasm.

It’s a religious guilt issue. There have been legitimate cases in which Catholic guilt made it hard for people to have an orgasm, even when they desperately wanted to climax. If your boyfriend was raised in a strict religious setting, this could be a scary side effect of his upbringing.

He’s tired. If you’ve ever just been woken up for sex, you’ll probably understand how hard it is to actually climax when you’re sleepy, groggy, or just sore all over. If he’s really been exerting himself at work or around the house, it’s time to let him rest up so he can get his own big O later.

It’s medication. Some medications can make it hard for a guy to get in the mood enough to ejaculate, let alone get in the mood to have a serious O. If you notice that the pills he’s taking is killing his sex drive, don’t blame yourself if he can’t climax. It may be a hormonal thing.

He’s not into you. Sadly, this is a small possibility. But, with this one, you often will have other issues that will suggest that he’s no longer attracted to you. Ask him to be honest if you get the feeling he’s lost interest. It’s for the best that you know.

Postpartum Sex Issues No One Talks About

Being a new mom is not easy, what with the newborn’s constant crying and the fact that your entire body just underwent a massive change. People will tell you all sorts of things about postpartum life, including baby-raising advice, sleeping advice, breastfeeding advice, and more…but sex is an issue that’s usually silent. This can even be true with gynecologist visits. Here’s what you need to know about postpartum sex that no one will tell you.

It will likely hurt the first time you have sex after baby. It will hurt a lot, actually. There’s a reason why they call it “popping your postpartum cherry.” Everything is still bruised and stitched, and sex will not feel the same. Most women are worried about ever getting their groove back, but it’s very possible as long as you’re willing to work at it. Eventually, it will feel good again.

…Or it may take months, or even years. If you had majorly bad damage to your ladybits, it’s very common to take anywhere from 3 to 9 months to heal up. Some women can’t stand the idea of sex for years after it happens, just because of the fact that the birth was as traumatic as it was. This is also normal. Just, do what feels good for you.

Sometimes, your man will lose all attraction to you - or will feel like he can’t get kinky with you again. It’s sad, but it’s true. When a man stops seeing you as a sexy wife and starts seeing you as the “mother of his children,” some guys will stop seeing you as a sexual person. It’s called the Madonna-Whore Complex, and it can kill a bedroom fast. You need to get your man into therapy if you notice this happening.

Speaking of which, you might pee during sex. The same muscles that control your vagina are the ones that control your ability to hold pee. If your pelvic floor muscles took a beating, it’s possible that you may actually pee on your man the first couple of times you two have sex. Usually, this will go away with kegel exercises and more sex.

That being said, a lot of women who were once very sexual lose their sex drives altogether after having a kid. It’s a weird sensation, and a lot of women who have this happen wonder if something is wrong with them. They may feel worried about being able to make their husbands happy in marriage, or they may feel strange about seeing themselves turn asexual. You can talk about this with a doctor - it could be a hormonal issue or a psychological issue.

You might also go at it before 6 weeks… This is actually fairly common with women who have had an easy birth. The 6 week mark is the standard for gynecologists to advise, but in reality, most of the time, if you’re ready to go again, you’re good to go. (Still, you might want to check with a gynecologist before you do.)

Queefing is also an issue. To be fair, you did just push out an entire human being out of your vagina. There may be a bit of air issues going on there as it heals up. Usually, this goes away with time too. The only time it won’t is if there’s a hole between your vaginal canal and your anus…and that’s a whole ‘nother article.

You will probably be temporarily looser down there. Most doctors don’t want to scare women, but there is a good chance that you will be looser there. And, for some women, it’s a lot looser. The majority of the time, a woman will still be able to regain her tightness down there. It will take time, and it will take kegels, but it can be done.

Sexually, what used to work might not get you off anymore. Women have reported everything from hypersensitive girl parts to totally desensitized girl parts. Some even had their sexual fetishes change after pregnancy - or even go so far as to change the kind of men they’re into. This is not abnormal in the least bit. You’ll need time to relearn yourself.

Breastfeeding can kill your libido, too. When you’re being touched and sucked on for milk, you’re not going to even think of sex. It’s going to be very difficult to get back in the mood at times, especially considering that breastfeeding causes chemicals to release that naturally reduce sexual desire. It’s understandable, all things considered.

You might also be a bit dry. Yes, it’s true, giving birth makes you drier than you used to be. However, this is usually a temporary thing, and it’s also something that can easily be addressed with lube. Your body just went through a rollercoaster ride, so it’s absolutely crucial to be patient with yourself.

And, oh yeah, Post Partum Depression makes it really hard to get it on. You’re mourning the loss of your old body. You’re dealing with a cranky, crying baby. You feel really cruddy…and you’re supposed to want to have sex after this all?! PPD wreaks havoc on your ability to enjoy anything, let alone sex. You may want to talk to a doctor if you’re experiencing symptoms.

Though it is rare, some women get TIGHTER after a childbirth. Don’t ask us how it happens, but it does. It’s apparently caused by how your body heals. You might not even believe a baby came out of you!

But, there’s a chance you will stay loose. It’s not what you want to hear, but it’s true. Some women have major tearing in their pelvic floors - even to the point that the space between their anus and vaginal canal is totally torn. For these women, there’s a chance that they may need surgery to get back to where they once were.

Sex can hurt, even if you didn’t have a vaginal birth. It’s true. C-section mommies have also experienced a decent amount of pain their first time they had sex. Also, it’s important to remember that stitches can tear, and that when you pee, it’ll feel like fire coming out of you because pee burns stitches. Ouch.

The Best Sex Toys, According To Men

There's a common misconception that sex toys are just for lonely women who can't get laid —  butwith a partner? Take a look for yourself below. Spoiler: Penis rings make the cut not just once, but twice!

Masturbation. From the techniques used to the way it's viewed by society, the practice and perception of masturbation has significantly changed over time. The most significant shift? The use of sex toys by both women and men. Indeed, there are now a slew of toys that help guys think outside the box when they’re choking the chicken, so to speak. Finally.

Couples. But sex toys aren’t just made for solo sessions. In fact, couples are increasingly incorporating their battery-powered gadgets into their sexual repertoire, Men’s Health reports. Meaning, that, both men and women are not only using their sex toys when they’re alone, but when they’re together as well. In fact, as Men’s Health notes, of the 53 percent of women who report owning naughty gadgets, a whopping 81 percent of them have used it with their significant other, Emily Morse, sexologist and host of the "Sex With Emily” podcast, told the men’s magazine.

Men. Safe to say, then, that guys are becoming more and more comfortable with using sex toys not just alone, but with a partner as well. “Men are growing more accustomed to the idea of introducing sex toys into a relationship,” Morse told Men’s Health. “It’s something new and exciting; your sex life always needs to be moving forward and expanding.”

Tips. So, where can you start things off if you’re a dude looking for a toy to use either alone or with a partner? And conversely, where should you start if you’re a woman looking for a toy to gift to your male partner? (’Tis the season, after all.) Fortunately, Men’s Health spoke to some sexperts in the field to find out which toys ranked top when it came to pleasure.

Penis ring. First up is none other than the penis ring. But not just any penis ring: We’re talking about The Big O, a multi-stage reusable vibrating penis ring. Pleasure factor aside, this bad boy goes through a whopping nine stages, and even contains a “clitoris tickler” which helps her reach climax sooner. Um. Yes, please.

Stronic Zwei. The Stronic Zwei, as Men’s Health points out, is especially unique because it’s not just a vibrator. Instead, it’s a “pulsator,” which simply means it goes back and forth — not side to side. The result? A gadget that mimics the sensation of sex and feels good as hell.

Stronic Zwei. “Men and women who use it on themselves love it,” Eric Marlowe Garrison, a clinical sexologist and author of "Mastering Multiple Position Sex,” told Men’s Health. “People who try it leave their vibrators in the drawer.” And with a tagline that reads “Trust the Thrust,” you know it’s gotta be good.

A&E Complete Lover’s Kit. Simply put, this multi-speed, multi-vibration gadget is a must-have. The seven-piece set features a wide range of toys, including a 7-inch Multi-Speed Vibrator, Stimulating Penis Ring, and three sleeves to slip over the vibes for a number of oh-so satisfying sensations. Hot.

Clone-A-Willy & Clone-A-P*ssy. Newsflash: You can actaully clone your penis — or your partner’s vagina if you’re straight) — with an at-home kit. Indeed, the Clone-A-Willy and Clone-A-P*ssy set has been on the market for a while now, and it’s a customer favorite for one major reason: It’s perfect for long-distance relationships. Not to mention, relationships where one travels often. #Smart.

Slip & Zing: Organic Lubricant & Get Set. If you’re looking to add some surprises to your bedroom, the Slip & Zing set is ideal. The kit features a tingly mix of arginine, niacin, peppermint, rose hip extract, and evening primes extract, and even comes with a water-based lubricant. Best of all? It’s also pretty chic looking.

Triple Erection System. You know that awkward moment where your soldier isn’t staying at, um, full salute? Well, the Triple Erection System is just the fix you’re looking for! The triple set of jelly rings features three levels of support — extreme, intense, or tight — so that you can keep things harder for way, way longer.

Adam’s Stroker Trio. Variety is the spice of life, and the Adam’s Stroker Trio gives you three naughty strokers in one wondrous box. The set includes a butt, a mouth, and a vagina, all of which share one thing in common: They really want you to slip *it* in (*wink*).

We-Vibe 4 Plus. Whether they’re in the same room or on a different continent, the We-Vibe 4 Plus lets couples connect in new, exciting ways. As Men’s Health notes, it’s the latest trend in “teledildonics,” which is just a fancy word for electric sex toys that can be controlled by a mobile device. So, exactly how does it work? We’re glad you asked.

We-Vibe 4 Plus. The gadget has an app that can be used to operate — and thus, control — the vibrator from wherever you are. Literally. This means that the toy can be used for foreplay or long-distance relationships — not to mention, alone or as a couple. Kinky, right?

Cobra Libre II. Last but certainly not least: the Cobra Libre II. Taking the shape of a vacuum cleaner, this toy snugly slips over just the head of the penis. Then, it vibrates in adjustable patterns and speeds. “It’s perfect for men who want stimulation of the glands of the penis, which is often ignored,” Garrison told Men’s Health. And similar to its predecessors, it can be used as both a masturbatory tool or with a partner during foreplay.

What My Date With A Sex Worker Taught Me About Sex

We're not recommending that you have a date with a sex worker, or that you don't, but if you find yourself in a situation where you are on a date with a sex worker, pay close attention. A sex worker could seriously help you improve your game. It's what they do for a living! Naturally, they've got to be good at it and they probably know more than you do on the subject. If you want to get better at math, you get a math tutor. If you want to get better at sex, consider this your classroom. We're going to teach you some tips about sex that can revamp your life between the sheets.

Sex can just be sex. If you're going on a date with a sex worker, chances are you're not going out because you're hoping she'll be "the one." Sex can just be sex; purely for physical satisfaction and relief. It's a human need, just like eating and sleeping. Sometimes, you just have to scratch the itch.

Although, even sex workers crave emotional sex. What you might not expect, though, is that most sex workers don't rule out their emotions. Rendering yourself entirely emotionless for all of your sexual experiences can be damaging to your mental health. Instead, many sex workers do value the emotional connection that sex can foster, even if it's just in the moment.

Go outside your comfort zone. If going on a date with a sex worker isn't going outside your comfort zone enough, it certainly can teach you to do so. They've seen it and done it all. Literally nothing will surprise a sex worker. They can help you travel outside your normal boundaries.

Don't judge. If you're having a date with a sex working, you are entering a judgement free zone. They certainly aren't going to judge you for your wants and likes in the bedroom because it's literally part of their job. Hopefully, this teaches you to be less judgmental of others when you get to the bedroom. If you start seeing someone you care about but find they have what you consider to be a strange fetish, maybe it's not all that strange. Maybe you're just judgmental.

Sex is normal. A lot of people feel shame, insecurity, or awkwardness when it comes to sex. They doubt and criticize themselves and they can even feel guilty about their sexual lifestyle. What a sex worker can attest to, and what everyone should understand, is that sex is completely natural and normal. Even the weird stuff!

Be open to new ideas. Just like your date with a sex worker can strip your world of sexual judgement, it can open you up to new ideas. Sex workers are obviously extremely experienced in their field and have an endless bag of tricks. Learn from it! Don't reject new experiences because they're unfamiliar.

Make sex fun. Sex doesn't always have to be about romance or passion or deep emotional connection. Aside from just being physically pleasing, sex can also just be pure fun! Don't take yourself too seriously in the bedroom. Lighten up. You'll be more relaxed and enjoy yourself more.

Try bringing in new toys. If you do eventually find yourself in a situation where you have a regular sexual partner, see about introducing toys into the bedroom. Talk to them about it first, but it could seriously enhance your sex play. Sex workers don't just work with their natural equipment, they work with all sorts of fun stuff. Take a page out of their sexy book.

Eliminate awkwardness. Nothing is fun when one or both of you are feeling awkward. All you're going to be thinking about is how awkward and uncomfortable you feel when really you should be focusing on the opposite. Whatever self-esteem issues you have can be left outside the bedroom door.

There is a distinct difference between "harder" and "faster." Some guys have a handle on this, but a lot of guys sadly don't. Men often equate the two words instead of viewing them as separate commands. Once and for all: "Harder" denotes intensity of impact while "faster" denotes speed. You can go harder AND faster, but they aren't one in the same!

Ask for pointers. If you're not sure what to do, ask! Incorporate the questions into dirty talk or some kind of sensual foreplay, but you can actually straight up ask your partner what you could be doing to please her better. If you're on a date with a sex worker, questions are asked all the time because usually there is less pressure for romance or for the perfect love session. You can ask for pointers with someone you care about, too!

The more you know... As they say, knowledge is power, and in the bedroom, this couldn't be more true. Don't feel weird about doing your research. The more you study up about a woman's anatomy, the better you'll be able to please her.

How to add romance. As per the "date" experience, a sex worker can show you how to add a little more romance to your real dating life. A sex worker's job is to make you feel special and satisfied. They don't just do this during sex, but in the way they interact with you and speak with you.

What she really wants. More than anything having a date with a sex worker could be an illuminating experience because it could fill you in on what it is a woman really wants. If you've been having problems with your sexual life, it's likely because you either don't know what you're doing or you're doing the wrong things. Take it upon yourself to figure out how to correct it.

Sex is mostly about communication. While sex is primarily a very physical activity, the key to making sex great is great communication. Both partners have to be willing to speak their mind and to listen when the other person does. Just like with anything else, receiving feedback and learning how to improve can only make things better.