Post-Coital Dysphoria: The Science Behind Why You Get Sad After Sex

It's no secret that sex makes us feel good.  We're passionate with someone, we're feeling physically stimulated...  It's a wonderful feeling.  With that being said, sex sometimes has its drawbacks.  One second you feel happy, and the next moment, you're miserable.  But why?  When it comes to your mental health, sex isn't always our friend.  In fact, there's a reason why we sometimes feel sad after sex.  While sadness and sex don't seem like they go hand-in-hand, you'd actually be surprised.  As it turns out, getting laid can be a major bummer in some cases.  Keep reading to discover the science behind why you get sad after sex.

The sadness in sex. When it comes to having sex, chances are you’re not having it to feel like sh*t. You have sex to make babies, sure, but that’s not to the only reason. In fact, most people have sex simply because it feels good. They do it for the high, and to feel close to someone. However, that’s not to say that sex doesn’t have its downsides.

Going down, then feeling down. When we have sex, the act itself may be incredibly satisfying, but once we orgasm, that high may not be quite as strong as it once was. In a matter of seconds, you may find yourself plunging from an intense high to a ridiculously miserable low — and there’s a reason why this happens.

Figuring out this problem. Seeing as we all have sex, it’s a topic that plenty of people want answered. So, researchers at Queensland University of Technology in Australia did just that. According to MSN.com, they dove into this popular problem to help people who simply want to enjoy a post-sex cuddle do just that.

The resolution phase. After we have sex, we enter into something called the resolution phase, according to the author of the study and professor of the university, Robert Schweitzer. Even after the significant highs we’ve just experienced during sex and during the orgasm, everything that happens after pales in comparison and wreaks havoc on our mental health — in the given moment, at least.

We all react differently. What makes this phase so difficult to understand is the fact that we all reaction different. Schweitzer says, “Everyone assumes what happens in the bedroom is normal but there are a wide range of responses in the period of time immediately following consensual sexual activity, known as the resolution phase,” so he wanted to better understand it.

Happy and sad. The ideal goal after sex, during this resolution phase, is to feel happy. Obviously. The stereotype is that couples cuddle after making love, enjoying the splendors of what just happened. However, some people experience something called post-coital dysphoria (PCD), which essentially means that get majorly bummed out after they orgasm.

Why we get sad after sex. OK, so we understand what it’s called when we get sad after sex, but why exactly does it happen? Unfortunately, according to pretty much any researchers that’s investigated it, it’s really anyone’s guess. Conclusively, at least. There are, however, some general professional assumptions.

The theories behind the resolution phase. In some cases, PCD could have to do with failed expectations. Relationship expert and author April Masini believes that some women make the wrong associations with sex and their sexual partners, hopefully assuming that this intimate activity might equate to something deeper and more long-lasting, even though it doesn’t at all.

The depressing realizations. When reality sinks in for some people, the resolution phase can take a turn for the worse. "Many times people (usually women) try to leverage sex into love,” Masini said. “They get caught up in the whirlwind and in the morning, realize there’s no 'I love you,' or 'I have to see you tonight.’”

Unique reactions. When it comes to feeling down after sex, it could just have to do with a person’s basic mental health. Schweitzer said, "There may be a group of people who find that this ‘loss of self’ sets off a response of dysphoria [a general state of unease], particularly when the individual feels a vulnerable sense of self, which may result from a number of developmental issues.”

Your partner isn’t you. In the same we all want different things during sex, the same applies to what we want after sex. Schweitzer warns that we all need to be careful about how we try translating the behavior of our partners. Just because they’re acting one way during this phase doesn’t mean that’s how they generally feel. That’s just them in the given moment.

Screwing with our heads. This is why the resolution phase can mess with our heads. Masini adds that "Sometimes, a partner will be thinking about marrying you, but you misread this because you’re assuming that the absence of affection after the act means an absence of feelings for the relationship.”

How long it lasts. The resolution phase is different for everyone, and it lasts differently for everyone as well. So, if you suffer from PCD, then you may find yourself feeling sad for just a few few minutes or for a couple of hours. It also doesn’t matter if you’re a male or female, it affects both genders.

Understanding them. The best kind of sex happens between people who truly understand each other. It’s successful when you understand what your partner wants and how they respond to certain things. So, just because they may seem down after sex doesn’t necessarily mean that they don’t like you.

Reading yourself. The next time you have sex, try paying attention to how you’re feeling after you orgasm. Once the initial positivity wears off, do you start to emotionally drag? Pay attention to what is triggering this, if you can figure that out, and try to determine how long it lasts for you.